![yes minister.jpg](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/9439d2_72f67803616445bd82b3efe361cd612f~mv2.jpg/v1/fill/w_793,h_446,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01,enc_auto/9439d2_72f67803616445bd82b3efe361cd612f~mv2.jpg)
Yes Minister (of State for Energy Security and Net Zero)
A parody – all fiction (except where its not)
With acknowledgement to Johnathan Lynn and Anthony Jay and of course the BBC
© Mike Davis 2024
Main Image © BBC
![borehole.jpeg](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/9439d2_1f19b82f28b64ae2a3919c37f9be56cc~mv2.jpeg/v1/fill/w_378,h_283,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01,enc_auto/borehole.jpeg)
Looking into the hole
Whitehall Place, London, 28 May 2024 11:00am
‘I am sorry Sir Humphrey, are we expecting the Minister to come in today?’
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‘No Bernard, he his back in his constituency briefing the printers.’
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‘May I ask what he is having printed?’
‘His election publicity material, apparently they need some major changes.’
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‘Really, I thought everyone was going with the Prime Minister’s plan.’
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‘Yes Bernard, but it is a matter of presentation. As the Tees Valley Mayor realised, he needs to remove all blue colouring, all images of trees, and any reference to the Conservative party to get re-elected. I wouldn’t expect that we will see the Minister again until he comes to return his laptop, phone, and pass.’
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‘Does this mean I can go back to working from home as I did during COVID?’
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‘Of course not Bernard. Just because His Majesty’s government is not working doesn't mean that the business of government stops. And of course we have to prepare for a new Secretary of State, a new Minister and a new Under Secretary arriving in July. All will need to be fully briefed on their roles and the decisions they will need to take responsibility for.’
‘Surely Sir Humphrey, you mean the decisions they make?’
‘Bernard how long have you been in the Civil Service? Did the previous Minister chose his own constituency as a potential site for the GDF? Of course not. He just had to take responsibility for it. Which he did for forty-eight hours until he realised the level of opposition might affect his popularity. Which it did.’
‘So what are the priorities for the next six weeks?’
‘As much progress on the GDF as possible would be useful. If we are to have work on the surface site starting in in twenty-thirty, we need the boreholes on the potential area to be drilled in twenty-seven and twenty-eight. That requires the other surveys to be completed in all three remaining sites as soon as possible. But the boreholes need to be deeper than one-hundred and fifty metres, and thus also require planning permission.’
‘So, Sir Humphrey, the final decision on a final site is still some way off?’
‘Yes Bernard. Although NWS think they know about the geology of each of the areas, until boreholes are drilled, they cannot be sure what rock formations are really there. They would not want to be putting waste which is supposed to be sealed for one hundred and twenty-thousand years into something permeable like chalk.’
‘So the boreholes are key?’
‘Yes Bernard. That is what the Action group in South Holderness realised, and why they needed to get the council to pull out of the Partnership so quickly. With no Partnership there could be local consent for drilling boreholes. Without the data from the boreholes, NWS could not guarantee the appropriateness of the site.’
‘So the current Minister was right, they did outmanoeuvre NWS?’
‘Yes completely. But NWS are still speaking of the previous Minister in very unflattering terms, because they outmanoeuvred him as well.’
‘Would you like me to get an update from NWS so we are ready for the incoming Ministers?’
‘Yes please Bernard, otherwise careers might be in boreholes as well.’