Yes Minister (of State for Energy Security and Net Zero)

A parody – all fiction (except where its not)

With acknowledgement to Johnathan Lynn and Anthony Jay and of course the BBC

Main Image © BBC

The writing is on the wall

Whitehall Place, London, 7 February 2024 08:30pm

'Bernard get Humphrey in right now!'

'Yes Minisiter.'

'Sir Humphrey Minister.'

'Good morning Minister.'

'No it isn't - have you seen the comment on the protest group's Facebook page?'

'Well yes Minister we have people monitoring it and the website, but I believe it is a Private Facebook Group, are you a member?'

'Of course not but my researcher is. They have put up the section from the House of Commons Library Briefing Report which says this Department is responsible for the decisions on the GDF and put my Wikipedia profile with my title alongside it.'

'Unfortunate Minister, but I understand they said they would fight on facts.'

'But that's not enough, they have also emailed all the MPs and Ward Councillors that have the railway lines going into Hull Docks that run through their patches, and told them that their residents will have nuclear waste to worry about. I have only just come off the phone from two other members and Bernard tells me the other three have left messages. What should I do Humphrey? The petition about a vote has not taken off, the protest group has thirteen hundred members, and apparently their leader went down very well on Look North last Friday. I know I could tell NWS to withdraw, but wouldn't that be seen as weak and caving in under pressure?'

'Well Minister, we have deliberately kept your position as unclear, saying you needed to be convinced it was safe and the people were behind it, whilst making sure they knew about the financial incentives. If a couple of the ward councillors put in a motion that the council withdraw and you publically support it .'

'That's it! I will be seen as the democratic politician who listens to his constituents and not ride roughshod over them. Dignified and thoughtful. Are there some councillors willing to put in that motion?'

'Unsurprisingly Minister since they were emailed about nuclear waste running through their wards, we have been contacted by many councillors who might help. But I would suggest we use those in the area of the proposed GDF for most impact.'

'Will that stop the protests?

'Not immediately Minister as it has to be voted on at the next full council meeting. When is that Bernard?'

'I believe it is on the twenty-first Sir Humprey.'

'Well the twenty-first then, but we could get out a press release today stating your support for withdrawl, and that gives you two weeks to distance yourself from the procedings.'

'Excellent, well done, and it will have two days to settle before I am back in the constituency.'

'Bernard can you get me a meeting with the Secretary of State as she will want to know, and Humphrey can I have draft of the release by ten?'

'Yes Minister'