Yes Minister (of State for Energy Security and Net Zero)

‘Well, how’s your new Ministerial post? Are you enjoying sitting in what was my chair?’

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‘It’s a very nice office and Sir Humphrey and Bernard are very helpful, I don’t know why you resigned. ‘

 

‘Very funny. Did they try to overfill your Red Boxes on your first day?’

 

‘Of course, even after I reminded them I had been a Minister before. However, I am glad I caught up with you, I have a question, sorry but it’s about the GDF in South Holderness.’

 

‘Go on, but the subject has almost got to the point of triggering, so I suggest we go to the Strangers Bar and you are buying.’

 

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‘Thank you. Most needed after watching the non-smokers arguing not to ban smoking as a matter of principle, the principle being not to upset their Association Chairman. So why are you re-opening the GDF can of worms?’

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‘Well, the PM and Secretary of State don’t want us to lose any of the other sites before the election, particularly not Theddlethorpe now South Holdeness is off the table. However apparently the so-called Guardians of the East Coast in Theddlethorpe are very close to your protest group in South Holderness, and I want to know what swung it for them.’

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‘They are certainly not my group. Their chair doorstepped my interview with GB News and got much better coverage. They were highly organised, knew how to get a message across, and of course they had that bit of luck in that the council officers had gone off-piste. It’s all in the report.’

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‘Report, Humphrey didn’t mention a report.’

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‘Of course he wouldn’t. I had an analysis done of all of their success points, mostly for NWS to use in future because they were completely blindsided by the protest, as was Humphrey, hence I ended up in the poisition I did.'

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‘So where is it? Do you have a copy?’

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‘Sadly no, following all the leaks of the past fourteen years, the Civil Service is getting a lot more diligent about stopping internal reports going free-range. However, I do still have some of the WhatsApp messages, I will forward them to you when I get back to my hotel.’

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‘You keep your WhatsApps? Good luck. But thanks, I am back to the constituency tonight, and getting the early train tomorrow. So, if you send them, I’ve got two hours to get a step ahead of Humphrey.’

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‘No problem. Are you voting on the Bill?’

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‘Well, it’s dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. I wonder if we could table an amendment that says you can buy cigarettes, but you are not allowed to inhale?'